Delivery Tips
Helpful Statements
As stated at the beginning, providing trauma notifications is stressful. However, preparing yourself with helpful statements can be beneficial.
You are never going to take away the pain of their loved one’s death. Saying that you are sorry and meaning it shows compassion. Sometimes a compassionate look or presence can say everything.
You may also say:
This is harder than most people think.
Most people who have gone through this react similarly to you.
People can experience many different feelings as the same time.
This may be one of the most difficult times in your life.
Pitfall Statements
There are many statements that the NOK/guardian may not find helpful. Do not share personal stories of loss. Your loss is not the same. Do not tell the NOK that you know how they feel. You don’t. Do not say that time heals all wounds. It doesn’t. Do not say that the NOK needs to be strong. They don’t. Do not say that they will get over this someday. They may not.
There are also clichés that serve no purpose, such as:
He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
You must go on with your life.
You will find closure.
Sometimes notifiers want to say anything to the NOK to relieve some pain. However, some statements can be damaging.
For example, if you say, “He didn’t know what hit him,” do you know this for certain?
If they want to view their loved one, it's important to check if this is permissible with the local jurisdiction.
If you tell the NOK that you can’t answer a question, tell them the reason. For example, you may say, “This is an ongoing investigation and we are gathering as much information as possible.”
Avoid religious phrases such as, “It must have been his time” or “God needed another angel.”
Providing trauma notifications is stressful. However, preparing yourself with helpful statements can be beneficial. Sometimes a compassionate look or presence can say everything.
Do not share personal stories of loss. Your loss is not the same. Avoid clichés or religious statements. Be honest if there's a question you can't answer.
